Words by: Britt Mitchell, executive presence coach and CEO of Dream Bigger Now TODAY
Britt Mitchell sat down with Dr. LoLita D. Toney, a seasoned leader and connector in Nashville with more than three decades of experience building relationships, driving impact, and developing others. Known for her thoughtful leadership and relational approach, she has earned strong respect across sectors in the city for her depth, integrity, and ability to bring people together. Get a peek inside how a master networker’s guide to building trust and influence in Nashville.
Everyone in Nashville knows your name—but most people don’t really know your story. You’ve built a strong, respected career, and relationships have clearly played a role in that. But you don’t think about networking the way most people do. I know that perspective comes from your time in the Army. Tell me about that.
I’ve never thought about networking as something you do. That framing doesn’t sit right with me, and it goes back to my time in the Army. In that world, relationships aren’t optional, and they’re not casual. You’re responsible for each other’s lives—literally. When things get hard, there’s no room for posturing or pretending. You learn very quickly who you can trust, who stays calm under pressure, and who shows up when it matters. What doesn’t matter in those moments is someone’s race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religious background, or socioeconomic background. What matters is character and competence. Once you’ve lived in an environment like that, it changes how you see people forever. You stop being impressed by surface-level connections and start paying attention to what’s real.
Can you take us inside one specific moment from your time in the Army where that responsibility for one another’s lives became very real—and where you learned to stop seeing people for how they looked on the outside and start trusting who they were on the inside?
Going through Army Officer Candidate School (OCS) was incredibly challenging. The graduation rate for women and people of color was exceptionally low. My class was notably diverse, with a significant number of women and people of color. We were determined to ensure that everyone, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, or social class, achieved success and excelled in the course.
To achieve this, I took the initiative to organize the tasks and responsibilities required to complete the course. For instance, my battle buddy, who worked full-time as an Army administrator, was responsible for assisting with paperwork. Others were assigned various assignments, such as locker preparation for inspections. By leveraging everyone’s strengths, we were able to ensure that each individual had the support and resources they needed to complete the course successfully. I’m happy to share that we all successfully completed the course, and I was voted Outstanding Candidate by my peers.
That’s an intense foundation. You served in the Reserves, on active duty, in combat, and in the National Guard. How did you carry what you learned in the Army into your civilian life and relationships, and eventually into Nashville’s professional world?
Nashville is a relationship city, but it’s also a city where people are paying attention. I didn’t come in trying to work rooms or build a name quickly. I was intentional in observing and genuinely connecting with people. I didn’t allow anyone to color my lenses, everyone started at 100. I listened more than I talked. I wasn’t interested in fast connections. I wanted real ones. Over time, people figured out that I showed up the same way no matter who was in the room. That consistency matters here, and it’s how trust gets built quietly, over time.
When you brought that same mindset into Nashville’s professional world, what’s one relationship or moment that really reflects how showing up without assumptions—and building trust over time—made all the difference?
Every moment offers an opportunity to build trust and credibility. It’s evident in your presence, interactions, and commitments. Often, this is realized indirectly in collaborative settings.
One memorable instance occurred when I was the Executive Director of Development at Tennessee State University. The Aristocrat of Bands (AOB), a renowned band, had been nominated for two Grammy awards, marking a momentous and exciting time for the university. On December 28th, I received a call from the band director, who expressed the urgent need for resources to support the students and staff in attending the Grammy Awards ceremony. During our conversation, he revealed an initiative he was embarking upon to transform the AOB from a nominee to an award recipient. Although this was my first experience in the nominee process, the details he shared intrigued me. I inquired if he would be comfortable with me reaching out to someone I knew who had extensive knowledge of the process. He agreed, so I called Phil Thornton.
Phil and I had developed a strong relationship during my time at the National Museum of African American Music (NMAAM). When I reached out to Phil, he promptly explained the necessary steps and immediately got involved in the process. As an HBCU graduate, Phil understood the significance of this moment, and without hesitation, he jumped right in to assist. He even joined us on campus to help with the preparations. As a result, the AOB achieved a historic milestone by winning two Grammys, becoming the first HBCU band to receive such an honor. This success was a testament to the value of building mutual respect and trust over time. Phil’s willingness to help us, despite not being obligated to do so, was a reflection of the trust and respect I had earned from him. I listened attentively to his advice and followed his guidance, knowing that I could rely on his expertise and judgment.
You have a reputation in this city that’s hard to fake. People trust you. They respect you. And your name comes up often when someone’s looking for someone solid. What have you done—often quietly—that helped build that kind of reputation?
A lot of it comes down to small, intentional habits. Nothing flashy—but they add up.
- I show up. When I’m invited, I attend and I’m authentically present.
- I engage the host. I intentionally bring a host gift as a sign of thoughtfulness and respect.
- I invite others. I create space for connection and inclusion—coffee, events, conversations.
- I sit next to someone different than me. I don’t default to what’s familiar.
- I’m genuinely curious. I ask questions and truly listen.
- I take accountability. I own mistakes, give credit freely, and lead—or follow—when needed.
If something goes wrong unexpectedly, I take responsibility and work to fix it. I also give credit where it’s due. The Army teaches that followership is a crucial aspect of leadership, so I’m comfortable allowing others to lead when it’s their turn and falling into a follower role when necessary. Those habits have shaped my relationships more than any formal strategy ever could.
A lot of people say they “hate networking,” especially when they’re early in their careers or building something new. What do you think they’re reacting to?
Most people are reacting to how inauthentic or performative it can feel. When networking turns into performance, people shut down—and I understand that. The relationships that have mattered most to me didn’t start with an agenda. They started with a real conversation and grew over time. You don’t need to know everyone. You just need a few people who actually know you.
As you step into this next chapter and begin building something of your own, what feels non-negotiable for you when it comes to relationships and work?
I don’t compromise on how I treat people. Ever. The Army taught me that when things get hard, character is all you have. Nashville taught me that people remember how you move over time. I’ve built my life around those two truths—and I’m not interested in doing it any other way.
You can learn more about Dr. LoLita Toney at TEN25AdvisoryGroup.com
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